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Archive for the ‘shame’ Category

Today’s shame, fresh and sharp like the frost, is all the harsher when I meet it relaxed and unguarded from a hot bath.

‘Are you working this morning?’ I asked. ‘Yes’ (of course).

So I turn the empty time to that magazine favourite ‘me time’ and soak the misery out in the tub, put all the little things right, wash my hair, stretch and unwind. Then I pull on the essentials and my warm cashmere cardigan while I blow dry my hair, walk through to the bedroom and there he is.’ Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were downstairs,’ I mumble; he looks me up and down and turns away, ‘No problem.’ The bleak view of his back and an ugly, empty pause as cold as the day; I leave as quickly as possible.

When I look in the mirror I’m fairly sure I’m doing ok. I’m slim, fit, in reasonable shape for my age, well maintained as they say, and still quite pretty, if that’s the right word. Or am I? If I got so much wrong, maybe I got that wrong too? And if I got that wrong, what else? The frost of his indifference cracks my confidence. If I erode at this rate, there’ll soon be nothing left.

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